Babies Making Babies

•January 9, 2009 • Leave a Comment

What annoys me most, is babies making babies.

Released in the USA Today, they announced that in 26 states Teen birth rates have risen. Well no shit Sherlock. With the way the government makes it nearly impossible for a teen to walk into a clinic and get some pills, it’s no wonder they get knocked up. Even then, do you really think little Sara is going to remember to take them like a good little girl? She never could remember that Flintstones vitamin, so what makes you think she’ll remember to take a pill? And little Johnny knows damn well that it feels better without a condom suffocating his little pee-wee.  The education in schools is so crap. Parents themselves know nothing about giving the birds and the bees talk either. You gotta scare the snot nosed little shits into thinking their parts will rot off if they even think about touching them to another person.

And what’s with the school system teaching kids that abstinence is the only way? Give me a goddamn break! At the age of 10 you begin to learn that stimulation feels good. An orgasm is the highest form of pleasure we receive as a human. And with kids being all rebel-like and hating their parents, it’s no wonder they seek that pleasure elsewhere. It feels good. What do you expect?

Do what some of the Native American cultures do, and tie that shit up when they’re little. If they want it bad enough to tear through a stitch, then hells with it. They deserve to go through the torture of caring for a little bastard child.

So that’s another reason why you should not have babies! They just end up growing into rechid teenagers that poop out more kids. So if you want to be a grandma by 30, by all means get knocked up. And you say it can’t happen to YOUR kid? BS. Ah isn’t that what they all say?

Posted in In The News

Top 10 Reasons Not to Breed

•January 7, 2009 • Leave a Comment

For starters, let me start by saying I do not have my own children, but often times when I am walking around the store, I feel like suffocating the slimy brats. Yes, I am female, and NO I do not want children.

Here are my top 10 reasons why people should not breed:

#1. They eff up your body: Think you had a good looking figure before? Well watch your tits droop before your very eyes and your stomach sag like a deflated balloon. Argue cocoa butter? You have slim chances little lady.

#2. They leach you of all your time: You just get off work, and now are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for an hour, only to come home to a filthy house and a snot nosed crying baby. Sounds relaxing.

#3. They’re EXPENSIVE: Not only do you have to squish them out of your vagina, you have to pay for their every want and need. If you don’t? They scream, cry, kick, and bite.

#4. They rid you of a good sex life: Your stretched to rags, and your significant other can only now picture a gigantic head coming out of that thing. Look loose goose, he does not want to get ‘hot’ with someone (definitely not wanting to go down south), picturing what level of disgust your womanly parts endured.

#5. They’re always sick: Think cleaning shit off their ass is bad enough? Just wait until they’re sick with some bug you know nothing about. Talk about mustard ’sharts’ and oatmeal vomit.

#6. Goodbye vacations: All the time you accrue from work for vacation will be taken up by your kid. Either they’re sick, get sent home from school, whatever it may be, there goes your time in Paris.

#7. They make you look bad: Trolling around Target just to pick up some laundry detergent? You’ll have at least 5 people staring at you when little Johnny decides to scream bloody murder in the middle of the store. “Another mother with no control over her child” as everyone shakes their heads.

#8. They’re ungrateful and make you feel like shit: So little Johnny wants the latest Video Game Console on the planet, but you can’t afford it. How shitty do you get to feel when he wakes up on Christmas morning? Think he’ll understand? Think again. Johnny will go postal.

#9. They CONTROL your life: You no longer get to have naps on your time. A good book is out of the question. You no longer get to run off to Happy Hour with the girls after work for a few drinks. Heck, in fact you can rarely drink or go out anymore. A movie night with the hubby turns into this fantastic outing away from the kids? How sad and pathetic are you? Sit down and get our that Dora Explorer DVD. Go Diego Go!

#10.They break shit: You want to own nice things? Forget about it. Your couch will be full of snot and drool, your nice HDTV will be smeared with finger prints and block dents, your carpet now stained with bottle and cup drips.  Entertaining is a thing of the past.

So instead of losing your life to a kid, do me a favor and get yourself fixed. It’s not worth the Mothers Day card you get once a year. Your kid will hate you. It’s the facts of life. Use the money instead to save up for a nice retirement spot in the Bahamas. Don’t be a burdon and breed just so you have someone to change your diapers when you get old.

Posted in Non Breeding Reasons